Monday, July 14, 2008

Thanks for Not Sharing

We were able to spend a couple of mornings sailing last week. I love the time we spend on the boat. It’s quiet, yet active, requires concentration, but not so much that we can’t talk, or think. Sailing is something we do to be together, sometimes with friends, but usually as a couple. I spent part of one morning watching my hubby as he handled the boat and thinking about our couch-shaving escapade. I shared that story with some friends over lunch (in an attempt to brag about him) and the conversation quickly moved to husband/man bashing. I guess there are times when we all need to vent those things that drive us nuts. It’s hard not to jump in with gusto and share those things about him that make me crazy. He’s got ‘em alright and I could outline them in living color with stories that would make you shout “amen, sister!”
Then I pictured him banging into the vacuum in the hall hopping on one foot, holding the other and cursing me under his breath as he winds the cord and puts the vacuum back in the closet which I left in the middle of the hallway with the good intentions of continuing my cleaning binge. It’s probably a weekly occurrence. Twenty-five years times 52 weeks. You do the math. (Sometimes it happens more than once a day so add a few extra.) I had visions of him picking threads off his pants and his suit. Every day he attempts to evade millions of little threads that I scatter through the house in the name of creativity. And then there is the kitchen table. He would like to eat meals there without having to move. It’s quite a production to eat dinner in our house, because I tend to spread. One day it’s paint cans, the next day contact paper, the next hammers, drills and other assorted tools and on and on ad nauseum. Oh, and he can’t go to bed at night without moving something off the bed because lately the bed is an extension of my design wall. Every night he comes into my studio and turns off the light and my music, which I leave on because again, I have every intention of continuing my work late into the night. Sometimes I do return, but mostly it’s just a sound and light show to keep him from falling asleep. Needless to say, I could go on. As I watched him on the boat I thought not of the things that drive me crazy, but of all those wonderful things he does that make me love him more each day. I won’t bore you with them, except to say I appreciate that he doesn’t air all of my quirks, bad habits and idiosyncrasies to his friends or colleagues or anyone who might listen. Thanks for not sharing.

34 comments:

Purple and Paisley said...

amen, sister! =)...men bashing? just plain old people bashing has gotten out of control...i agree with you 100%...the things my hubby does that drives me crazy? every single one of them is matched by something i do to drive him crazy as well...only share the good stuff...it means so much more and no hurt feelings...=)

ginger said...

I am another one of those that just want to cringe when I hear women ragging on their husbands... I just don't understand it!

Kay said...

I'll add an amen to that! I'm not always perfect and neither is he which makes us pretty perfect for each other.

Thriftin and Craftin said...

Great touching post J! My hubby puts up with a lot in the name of my creativity too!

C

Madge said...

my sweet husband says there's not much about me that bugs him -- he is way to laid back -- i'm the opposite, but knowing he is the way he is helps me keep my mouth shut!

MichelleB said...

What a sweet post. Thank you for sharing.

audreypawdrey said...

This post really moved me. I know I do my share of things that drive him crazy, and he does his share too. I also wouldn't dare dream of bashing the person I love to other people. It reminds me of the old rule my little brother and I followed. I can be mean to him and vice versa but against the world we are a team. I still will not tell my parents the things I know he was up to. He still tells me thing first and I tell him first. When you are a team, how do you talk badly to others about your team?

Amy said...

Great post! I am with you - much rather not hear all the negative, it does not edify anyone :) the give and take is what makes marriages last.

Karen said...

Sounds to me like you've got a gem there. One to be treasured above all...Here's to the men in our lives!

Stephanie D. said...

What a nice guy! Mine is longsuffering, too--and I am the lucky one.

Sweet post!

Oh--what did you finally name the boat?

TLC said...

How refreshing to hear nice things said about husbands. I think it is better to dwell on all the wonderful things about them. I can't stand man-bashing. I think we are so lucky to have them! And that is so cool that sailing is something you do together.

Gina said...

How great to admit that you appreciate your hubby.
I rarely hubby bash as I know that Mal makes my life so much easier.
He works all hours so I don't have to. He understands that I lose track of time when I'm sewing so he's used to waiting for his meal. I thought I was one of the few. My friends can't understand it, but I tell them if they hate the men so much why did the marry them.

Love and hugs Gina xxx

Marie' said...

I loved your post.
I don't share. Soon after we got married, my husband sat me down and promised me that he would do anything to solve problems, but he wanted me to talk to HIM about it. I always have, and he has always been there for me.

driftwood said...

what a lovely post from the heart. xx

Tine said...

What a great post! Thank you for sharing the "not-sharing"-way! I have started a list in my head -soon to go on paper- of all the things my sweetie puts up with :-) Much better than remembering the other stuff. Thank you!

QuiltedSimple said...

Well said Jacquie! I always feel wierd/uncomfortable when the wives start men bashing and then the men start right back - Lord knows that there's lots that I do that is irritating, but we don't seem to feel inclined to bring it all up with others. So we sit there quietly.....
Kris

Leanne said...

What a great post...we could be in the same marriage....however I would have to imagine my husband any where but on a yacht ...he's English and does not like the water....he makes me laugh each day and we have been married for ever.

robin said...

We are so lucky! I was reminded this weekend how lucky I was when hubby painted the dining room for me, only for me to decide that it was the wrong red! He has very patiently offered to repaint whatever I would like. He still "floats my boat" after 29 years together ;-)

MelissaS said...

Sometimes it seems easier and more fun to highlight the Bad Hubby stories. That's why I always try to share a Good Hubby story too! After all, we married them cause they were good men and we loved them.

Becky said...

Kudos to you!!! I'm glad you shared!

Kristi said...

You are absolutely right! My husband can drive me crazy (and I'm sure I do the same to him), but, he's always there at JoAnns with me matching color swatches...comes home and admires what I've made (even when it's not so admirable)...and NEVER says that I have too much fabric! :)

4patch said...

I've always felt lucky to love my husband BECAUSE of his funny little habits - not in SPITE OF THEM. I'm even luckier that he feels the same way!

Shanna said...

loved your post...made me stop and think. I agree with you, it is good thing my husband doesn't let his friends in on everything I do wrong, that is for sure. It has become more of a habit to look for the bad in others, instead of seeking after the good. Thank you for the wonderful reminder of how lucky we are with the men in our lives!!

Nanette Merrill and daughters said...

Today is my husband's 50th birthday. Sometimes you feel like you are grateful for them and sometimes you wish you could go for a long walk alone. Life is like that though. But I really hate to hear the man bashing. We each have things that bug the other partner.

Nikki Schreiner said...

How refreshing! Thanks for the reminder that we all have just as many "endearing qualities" as our husbands and probably more!

Rebekah C said...

I, too, am not a fan of man bashing! Jon is a great man to put up with me and though I tease him about a few things he does (throwing his dirty socks down the basement steps toward the laundry area), he puts up with just as many, if not more, "quirks" that I have. He's a saint!

Julie said...

As a relative newly-wed, I appreciate your story very much.

Two Dogs and a Quilt said...

Nice sentiment. I agree wholeheartedly. An aside, my husband and I learned to sail last summer, and loved it. I can see why you enjoy sailing so much together. Those are the moments that count.

amandajean said...

this is a great post, jacquie.

Anonymous said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you! What a lovely post. I am so with you - I really can't stand it when gals get together in real life or on the Internet and start bashing the men in their life. There is so much negativity in the world already - why add to it? I always think that perhaps those women should be looking in the mirror instead..... ;) Have a great day, and thanks for sharing!
-Laura

Penny said...

This may be the most touching post I've ever read. We all need to be reminded of that kind of wisdom. Thank you, so much.

MightyMom said...

Amen!

WEll Said!!

funny thing, when we change what we focus on, we can change how we feel.

Kim said...

This is just too funny and sweet! We are so fortunate to have husbands of such good nature. My husband has his quirks as do I, but typically he is well adored, especially for his tolerance and complete acceptance of my quilting addiction!

rachel said...

Awwwh! Every one loves their husband...me too.