Saturday, January 15, 2011

Spamalot

Dear Svetlana,
I'm sure you are a lovely person, but I'm not interested.

To Mr. Viagra,
You seem to want to make a wonky log cabin block. Wonky may not be your style. I'm thinking something a little stiffer and straighter may be more up your alley.

Dear Men's Health,
What an interesting concept, raise my testosterone levels and turn my fat into muscle. It's pretty presumptuous of you to assume I have fat that needs transformation, don't you think?

A free ipad...ahhhh, how sweet of you to offer. Maybe your mother never taught you...if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. You should listen to my mother.

I crack myself up.
Spam, however makes me angry. It burns my butt to know that some people make their living spamming others.
Sometimes it feels better to say what you're feeling.
Have a spam free weekend!

17 comments:

Jewel said...

ROFL!

Deere Driver said...

I wish!

Poppyprint said...

I don't mind it as much as telemarketers who call with their free vacations or market surveys in the middle of our dinner!. I just tell them I'm not home.

Suzanne said...

lol you are to funny!
telemarketers who get past my screening... don't get to talk to long...I'm not completely rude but somedays it's borderline!!

ellen said...

Dear Jacquie..love this. I do know it is a bunch of annoying crap....it's your responses I love, not that you are getting all of the sh#t.

Carol said...

Very funny. My spam box on my email account thinks I am a man so I get lots of spam for male needs.

QuiltSwissy said...

My dear Aunt was the queen of the telemarketing calls. She would mess with their minds, and I guess I inherited her trait.

Sometimes when I answer the phone I can hear them perfectly fine but I say, Oh, why are you doing this again, why won't you talk when you call? You can't make me crazy, I won't take it, talk please just say something........and on I go.


They are desparately trying to tell me they ARE talking. I love it.

The crazier I sound, the less likely they are to call me back!

Crazy glen!

Claire said...

SPAM is the devil!!

I found though that if my spam stays in the spam folder untounched, meaning DO NOT OPEN IT, about a month later it's gone and it lets the spammer know that the account is inactive so they remove you from the mailing list.

my yahoo account has gone from about 5,000 a month, to about 500 and it keeps dropping. now spam will never go away from this account since it's the one of several that I use for online ordering....yes I'm crazy...i have about 7 e-mail accounts that i use, each have their own purpose, which also helps with the spam.

Suzanne said...

What clever retorts to malicious mail!

Nedra said...

Amen and Amen.
Thank heavens for Spam blockers that at least will send those nasty messages to their own bin.

Diane aka cameldiva said...

Hello? hello? Is anyone at the other end of the line?

"Click"

This is what happens when I accidentally pick up the phone.

Otherwise, I let the answering machine pick up-I even go as far as to say, Hi, you've reached me and I am either not home or screening my calls... please leave a message to find out which.

Thanks for the laugh on an otherwise cold sunday morning. Spam in my inbox- the filters work fairly well and I have several email accounts, one specifically for when retailers request an email address.

Ethne said...

How right you are Jacquie - no matter how you try to filter them they keep coming back

Fabric Fanatic said...

Thanks for this....I thought surely I was the only one whose panties get in a knot over SPAM. Very funny...

Kay H said...

I'm with you...15 deleted messages today alone..grrrr. What a waste of time.

MightyMom said...

not for nuttin,....but a long soak my help your burning butt....


;-)

I don't like spam either.

stiffer and straighter block? bwahahahahahahahhaaaaaaa!!

Olga said...

Amen! I don't open any spam and truly hate when people come to my blog and spam there too. Ugh!!!

Anonymous said...

Oh nuts. It's just not worth bothering with. I just hit the "spam" button and go on my merry way. However, those that I have spanned sometimes slip through. Do you have a problem with "Free Dinners From Chilis"? I just can't seem to get rid of them.